7 Common Myths About Sexual Orientation You Might Still Believe

Navigating the landscape of human sexuality can feel like exploring a vast, intricate, and deeply personal world. It’s a core aspect of who we are, yet it’s surrounded by a fog of misinformation and outdated beliefs. These myths don’t just cause confusion; they can create real harm, fostering prejudice and making the journey of self-discovery feel isolating.

As a specialist in human sexuality and psychology, I’ve seen firsthand how liberating it is to replace fiction with fact. Understanding is the first step toward acceptance—both for ourselves and for others. Let's gently but firmly pull back the curtain on seven of the most persistent myths about sexual orientation.

7 Sexuality Myths vs. The Facts: A Quick Guide

Myth #1: Sexual Orientation Is a "Choice"

This is perhaps one of the most pervasive and damaging myths. The idea that someone "chooses" to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual implies that it can be "unchosen" or changed, a belief that has fueled harmful practices like conversion therapy. The scientific consensus is clear: sexual orientation is not a choice. Instead, it’s a complex interplay of factors like genetics, prenatal hormones, and brain structure that are largely determined before we're born. Think of it like being left-handed; you don’t choose which hand you write with, you simply discover it.

Myth #2: You Can "Tell" Someone's Orientation by How They Look or Act

Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, I knew he was gay, he’s so effeminate"? This statement relies on harmful stereotypes that conflate gender expression with sexual orientation. Gender expression is how you present your gender (style, mannerisms), while sexual orientation is who you are attracted to. A man can be masculine, feminine, or androgynous and be gay, straight, or bisexual. There is no uniform.

Myth #3: Bisexuality Is a Phase, Confusion, or Greed

Bisexual individuals often face skepticism from both straight and gay communities, a phenomenon known as bisexual erasure. Bisexuality is a valid, stable orientation defined as the potential to be attracted to more than one gender. It’s not always 50/50; someone might be attracted to men 90% of the time and women 10% of the time and still validly identify as bisexual. Dismissing it is like saying the color purple isn't real because it has elements of both red and blue.

Myth #4: Asexuality Is Just Celibacy or a Medical Problem

Asexuality is one of the least understood orientations. It is a sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. It's crucial to understand what this means—and what it doesn’t.

• Asexuality vs. Celibacy: Asexuality is about a lack of *attraction*. Celibacy is a conscious *choice* to abstain from sexual activity.
• Asexuality vs. Libido: A person’s sex drive (libido) is separate from their orientation. Some asexual people have a libido, while others don’t. The defining factor is the lack of attraction directed toward others.
• Romantic Attraction: Many asexual people experience romantic attraction and desire deep, intimate relationships.

Myth #5: Everyone Knows Their Orientation From a Young Age

While some people recall feeling "different" from early childhood, this is far from universal. It is incredibly common for people to realize their orientation in their 20s, 30s, 40s, or even later. Social expectations and lack of exposure to diverse identities can mask one’s true feelings for years. There is no timeline or deadline for self-discovery.

Myth #6: Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Are the Same Thing

This is a point of frequent confusion. Let’s break it down simply:

• Gender Identity: Your internal, deeply held sense of your own gender (e.g., man, woman, non-binary). This is who you are.
• Sexual Orientation: Who you are physically, romantically, and/or emotionally attracted to. This is who you love.

For example, a transgender woman (someone whose gender identity is female) who is attracted to other women is a lesbian. Her gender identity is female, and her sexual orientation is lesbian. The two concepts are independent variables.

Myth #7: Once You Know Your Orientation, It’s Set in Stone

For many people, sexual orientation is a stable, lifelong trait. However, this isn’t the whole story for everyone. The concept of "sexual fluidity" acknowledges that for some individuals, attractions can change over time. This is not the same as being "confused." It’s an organic and authentic experience that doesn’t invalidate a person’s previous identity. A woman who was in a loving marriage with a man for 20 years was not "living a lie" if she later realizes she is a lesbian. Both experiences were true for her at the time.

Final Thoughts: Moving Toward Understanding

Debunking these myths does more than just correct factual errors. It builds a world with more empathy, less judgment, and more room for authentic self-expression. Your feelings are valid, your journey is your own, and you are not alone. If you're in a place of questioning or simply want to understand yourself better, exploring your feelings in a structured way can be a powerful step. For many, a tool designed for self-reflection can provide clarity. If you're curious, you might find our Sexual Orientation Test to be a helpful resource on your path. Ultimately, the most important truth is this: you are the ultimate authority on your own identity.